puhuminen on tärkeää

Kirjoitettu kirjoittaja &s

Aihe nousi pintaan mielessäni muutama päivä sitten, kun pohdin sitä, millainen vaikutus on asioiden ääneen sanomisella myös niiden kaikista kipeimpienkin. En oikeastaan aikaisemmin edes ymmärtänyt, että sisälläni on paljon sellaista, jota en ole koskaan ääneen kenellekään sanonut. Lähinnä siis niitä arkoja ja minua satuttaneita asioita, joista olen kyllä päiväkirjaani kirjoittanut, mutta en koskaan ääneen sanonut. Tämä on tavallaan hämmentävää, sillä olen aina ajatellut, että kirjoittaminen voi olla yhtä terapeuttista ja voin sen avulla ikään kuin sivuuttaa asioista puhumisen, sillä onhan kirjoittaminenkin tavallaan puhetta vaikkakin sisäistä sellaista. On totta, että kirjoittaminen on yksi muoto käsitellä mutta se ei korvaa puhumista. Oikeasti niin pieni asia, jolla on aivan mielettömän suuri merkitys!

Meistä jokainen kantaa aivan varmasti sisällään jotain sellaista, jota häpeää tai joka aiheuttaa itsessä jopa inhoa tai ylipäänsä hyvin ristiriitaisia tuntemuksia. Nuo ovat taakkoja, joita ei ole välttämättä helppo sanoa kenellekään, ei edes sille parhaimmalle ystävälleen tai kumppanilleen. Ymmärsinkin vasta, että sisälläni on aika paljonkin tuollaista puhumatonta tuskaa jota en ole vaan saanut kanavoitua ulos. Kun sain purkaa edes pienen osan niistä haavoistani tässä taannoin, koin jonkinlaisen vapautumisen. Nyt jälkikäteen olenkin miettinyt, että voiko olla todellista kuinka oloni helpotti yhdellä suun avauksella? Kun mietin kuitenkin, miten pitkään minulla on ollut niin paha olla ja yhdessä hetkessä tuo kaikki alkaakin prosessoitumaan se on aika ihmeellistä.

Puhuminen todella vapauttaa. Se, että sanoo asioita ääneen ja myöntää rikkinäisyytensä jossa ei ole muuten mitään hävettävää. Totuus on se, etten voi enää puhua minkään muun terapiamuodon puolesta yhtä paljon kuin puhumisen. Puhumisen kautta tulevat helpommin ulos myös ne padotut tunteet ja nimenomaan se taakka, joka sisimmässä painaa. Joskus se, että pystyy puhumaan satuttaneista asioista saattaa viedä kuukausia tai vuosiakin mutta tärkeintä on se, että jossain kohtaa noita alueita lähtee avaamaan. Eikä aina tarvita edes niitä vastauksia tai selityksiä sille, miksi tunnet näin tai noin, vaan ihan yksinkertaisesti se ääneen sanominen juuri sillä tunteella kuin sinusta luontaisesti tulee ulos, saattaa vapauttaa. Ainakin omalla kohdallani kävi näin. Tällä hetkellä katsonkin tuota itseäni vielä kuukausi takaperin jotenkin aivan eri mielellä. Näen tuskani ja sen, mikä sisälläni on tehnyt hallaa mutta nyt yksinkertaisesti olen rauhallinen ja ymmärrän.

Nyt tajuan konkreettisesti sen, että minun on jatkossa vaan opeteltava puhumaan asioista, jotka painavat ja nimenomaan heti eikä hetken päästä. Teen aivan liian paljon sitä, etten puhu huolistani vaan ennemminkin keskityn muiden ihmisten elämäntilanteisiin ja tuntemuksiin. itselleni on tosiaan luontainen tapa miettiä asioita ensin yksin ja hautoa ja pohtia niitä (joskus liiankin pitkään), kunnes jossain kohtaa sitten puhun niistä ehkä niille lähimmille ystävilleni. Kuitenkin se kaikista pahin rikki oleminen ja hajoaminen, se kaikki tapahtuu jostain syystä aina yksin. Ja itse asiassa kaikista pahimmilla hetkilläni olen aina halunnutkin olla yksin tai en välttämättä edes sisimmässäni halunnut mutta päättänyt näin.

Puhuin aiheesta ihan vasta äitini kanssa ja hän tunnisti tuosta myös itseään mutta sanoi viisaasti, että hänen on vaan ollut pakko opetella puhumaan asioista. Se, että yksinkertaisesti opettelee pitämään omia murheitaan tärkeinä, eikä ajattele niiden olevan ”vaan” minun huoliani. Tuossa on totuuden siemen, joka on vietävä ajatuksen tasolta ehdottomasti käytäntöön. Tokikaan tuo ei tapahdu sormia napsauttamalla sillä meillä ihmisillä on tietynlaisia käyttäytymismalleja mutta se, että kiinnittää asiaan huomiota on jo aika iso askel kohti parempaa. Itse, kun toivoisin, että tämä olotila ja fiilis joka nyt vallitsee tulisi jatkumaan. Se on sellainen joku huojentunut, helpottunut, kevyt ja vapaa olotila, ihan kuin harteiltani olisi lähtenyt isokin repullinen kuonaa.

Tästä aiheesta kirjoittaminen tuntuu juuri nyt tärkeältä muistutukselta paitsi itselleni myös teille muille, joille puhuminen on vaikeaa. Halusin jakaa oman kokemukseni, joka on ollut hyvin voimaannuttava. Sen kautta oivalsin jotain tärkeää, johon minun tulee jatkossakin pyrkiä.

Ylipäänsä puhuminen ja avoin kommunikointi kaikissa ihmissuhteissa on niin merkityksekästä. Jos mietitään historiaamme, on siellä aivan varmasti monellakin ihmissuhde tilanteita, joissa puhuminen on jätetty sikseen. Ainakin omalla kohdallani nimenomaan suurin osa niistä taakoista johtuu juurikin tuosta  puhumattomuudesta. Siitä ettei ole saanut tuotua julki sitä kaikkea, mitä haluaisi julki tuoda, koska ilmapiiri ei ole sitä esimerkiksi sallinut. Tuosta kehkeytyykin sitten pikkuhiljaa taakka, joka kasvaa kasvamistaan, koska sitä ei pääse ulos päästämään ja kappas kyseinen kierre onkin valmis. Onneksi elämässä tulee aina välillä näitä ahaa elämyksiä, jolloin taas ymmärtää jotain tärkeää.

-Eija

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