ei ole täydellistä elämää

Kirjoitettu kirjoittaja &s

Kuinka usein olet katsonut toisten elämää ja miettinyt, kunpa omanikin olisi tuollaista – noin täydellistä? Itse olen syyllistynyt tuohon monen monta kertaa. Ihastellut kiiltokuvamaisen kauniita muotiblogeja, joissa kirjoittaja näyttää viimeisen päälle tyylikkäältä tai katsonut ihaillen heitä, jotka suorastaan hehkuvat iloa ja onnellisuutta. Ehkä varsinkin tällä hetkellä, kun oma elämä ei ole sitä onnellisinta mahdollista on huomannut olevansa tuollaisessa tilanteessa useinkin. En ihastele materiaa vaan ennemminkin ihmisiä, jotka näyttävät onnellisilta – hymyilevät ja hehkuvat. Mielestäni onnelliset ihmiset, kun ovat niitä kaikista kauneimpia. Ja oletteko muuten huomanneet, että sisimmän tilan näkee todella helposti ihmisen silmistä?

Faktaahan on se, että kenenkään elämä ei ole täydellistä – ei sinun eikä minun. Jokaisen arkeen kuuluu ongelmia ja myös niitä surullisempia asioita. Meille ihmisille annetaan välillä enemmän kuin jaksamme kantaa ja se kuuluu elämään. On erilaisia ajanjaksoja, joista voimme oppia ja joiden kautta kehittyä ihmisinä. Yksi suurimmista synneistämme onkin se, että vaadimme usein elämältä liikoja. Vaadimme sitä, että sen tulisi olla täydellistä. Vertaamme tätä päivää ehkä aikoihin, jolloin olimme onnellisimmillamme ja koemme huonoa omaa tuntoa siitä, ettei elämä enää tunnukaan samanlaiselta. Tavallaan meitä pelottaa kohdata se elämän synkkä ja arkinen puoli, jossa kaikki ei tunnukaan enää hyvältä. Moni elää varmasti koko elämänsä katsomatta koskaan peilistä sitä ihmistä, joka sieltä todella kurkistaa. On helppoa paeta itseään ja heikkouksiaan suorittamiseen ja täydellisen kulissin ylläpitämiseen.

Olen tullut siihen lopputulokseen, että aivan sama vaikka kerron ihmisille ettei elämäni ole täydellistä. Oikeastaan aina elämässäni on joku kamppailu meneillään mutta koen, että se on nimenomaan osa tätä kokonaisuutta – liian helpolla täällä ei päästä. Se mihin haluan kuitenkin omassa elämässäni pyrkiä, on onnellisuus, tasapaino ja tyydyttävä elämä. Tyydyttävä elämä ei ole yhtä kuin täydellinen elämä, vaan se on elämää, jota tuntuu hyvältä elää. Uskon siihen, että elämämme rakentuu pitkälti oman identiteettimme varaan ja siksipä sen murentuessa tuntuu kuin koko pakka kaatuisi.

Toisaalta vaikka kuinka kliseiseltä kuulostaakin, ilman ankeita hetkiä emme ehkä osaisi arvostaa samalla tapaa elämämme tähtihetkiä. Miettikää jos elämä olisi jatkuvaa tähtihetkissä olemista, osaisiko tai ymmärtäisikö sitä enää sen kaiken arvoa? Vai olisiko sitä oikeasti silloinkin jotain vailla? Ihminen on luontaisesti aika tyytymätön olento. Veikkaan, että tähän vaikuttaa myös yhteiskunta jossa elämme, sillä mieltämme ruokitaan jatkuvasti joka suunnalta. Osittain ehkä tämänkin takia itselleni on tullut tunne, että haluaisin hetkeksi johonkin askeettisempiin olosuhteisiin. En nyt välttämättä mihinkään kehitysmaahan mutta vaikka Indonesiaan, jossa elämä rakentuu yksinkertaisempien asioiden varaan. Kun ei ole liikaa ärsykkeitä ympärillä, ihminen pystyy helpommin keskittymäänkin siihen oleelliseen, eli ihan vaan hetkessä olemiseen, tuntemiseen sekä asioiden kokemiseen.

Hyvä olo lähtee sisältä. Tällä hetkellä vahvin tunteeni on se, että haluan korjata sisimpääni. Haluan löytää itseni uudestaan ja sitä kautta kokea jälleen elämäni tyydyttävänä. Täydellistä elämää en kuitenkaan halua. Haluan välillä kipuilla ja kamppailla jotta kasvan sekä kehityn. Joskus kuulin jostain, että täydellistä elämää ei ole olemassakaan mutta täyttä elämää kyllä – tuo on aika hyvin sanottu. Täydeltä tuntuva elämä on kai nimenomaan sitä hyvää elämää, joka tuntuu nautinnolliselta ihan kaikkine arkisine aherruksineenkin.

-Eija

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