Olen viime aikoina miettinyt paljon anteeksi pyytämistä sekä antamista – sitä, miksi se on meistä monelle niin vaikeaa. Puhutaan kuitenkin hyvin luontaisesta asiasta ja useamman kohdalla jo lapsena opitusta taidosta. Miksi se on silti käytännössä etenkin meille aikuisille niin hankalaa? Parisuhteessa saatetaan puolin ja toisin jurnuttaa vuorokausi tolkulla ilman, että sanottaisiin se yksi sana ja puhdistettaisiin ilmaa. Ystävyyssuhteessakin ehkä sivuutetaan anteeksipyyntö, vaikka joskus tilanne saattaisikin sitä vaatia.
Kun mietin omaa elämää ja tilanteita, joissa olen ollut anteeksipyynnön velkaa, on se toisinaan ollut vaikea sana lausua. Vaikka kyse ei olekaan ollut siitä, ettenkö katuisi tapahtunutta, on sitä selitellyt asiaa kaikella muulla mutta itse anteeksipyyntö saattanut jäädä lausumatta. En tiedä teistä, mutta ainakin omalla kohdallani anteeksipyyntöön on usein liittynyt tietynlainen romahtamisen pelko. Se on tuntunut vastenmieliselle, sillä siinä kohtaa myöntäisin olleeni väärässä tai toimineeni väärin sekä samalla avaisin tietyllä tapaa portin haavoittuvaisuudelleni. Haavoittuvaisuus taas tuntuu monesti huomattavasti pelottavammalle kuin niiden suojaavien tunnemuurien ylläpito.
Olin itse asiassa taannoin keskellä tilannetta, jossa väärin toiminut ihminen sen sijaan, että olisi pyytänyt anteeksi selitteli ummet ja lammet kuinka ei ole tehnyt mitään väärää vaikka kyseisessä tilanteessa oli silminnäkijöitä, joiden todistusten mukaan väärin oli toimittu. Se, että tämä ihminen ei pyytänyt anteeksi jäi omaan mieleeni niin vahvasti, että jäin tilannetta yleisellä tasolla miettimään. Kuinka hän olisi voinut pelastaa paljon sillä, että olisi katunut, eikä vaan kiistänyt ja väittänyt muiden valehdelleen. Tuo tilanne kirkasti itselleni jälleen kerran sen, miten suuri merkitys anteeksipyynnöllä ja katumuksella voi olla. Se saattaa pelastaa jotain sellaista, joka muuten valitettavasti muuttaa ihmissuhteita lopullisesti.
Itse olen ihmisenä sen verran inhimillinen, että jos anteeksipyyntö tulee, annan ihmisille mahdollisuuksia. Arvostan enemmän kuin mitään sitä, että kadutaan ja ollaan rehellisiä, sillä kaikki meistä tekee virheitä. Vaikka itsellänikin se anteeksipyyntö on usein ollut kiven takana, nykyään pyrin olemaan sen suhteen rehellisempi. Pyrin pyytämään anteeksi pienemmästäkin loukkauksesta, sillä anteeksipyynnöllä on niin iso merkitys. Parhaimmillaan se lähentää ihmissuhteita ja tekee niistä avoimempia. Yleensä se, että toinen ”alentuu” anteeksipyyntöön, avaa myös keskusteluyhteyden ihmisten välille ja kas kummaa kohta jo käydäänkin läpi molemmin puolin asioita, jotka ovat painaneet tai ehkä jopa ajaneet huonoon käytökseen. Anteeksipyyntö on ikään kuin portti johonkin sellaiseen avoimuuteen ja herkkyyteen, johon itse toivoisin ihmissuhteissani mahdollisimman usein pääseväni.
Siispä kyllä, sanana pieni mutta sillä on niin suuri vaikutus. Tokikaan anteeksi pyytämisestä ei pidä tehdä itsestään selvää, vaan jokaisesta virheestä tulee pyrkiä kasvuun ja oppimiseen. Tuokin sana nimittäin menettää merkityksensä jos sitä joka käänteessä toistelee. Anteeksi antaminen puolestaan voi sekin olla haastavaa. Joskus jos on tullut todella pahasti satutetuksi, saattaa viedä vuosia kunnes tuosta loukkauksesta toipuu vaikka anteeksipyyntö olisikin hyväksytty. Tärkeintä onkin, että itse tietää missä mennään asioiden suhteen eikä anna pettymyksen kasvaa pikkuhiljaa katkeruudeksi. Anteeksipyynnön työstäminen omassa sisimmässä on todella tärkeää.
Ainakin itse toivoisin, että myös jatkossa kynnykseni pyytää anteeksi säilyisi matalalla ja pystyisin sen lisäksi antamaan ihmisille anteeksi. Minussa, kun on sellaista tietynlaista jääräpäisyyttä ja välillä tuntuu, että olen kovin huono unohtamaan asioita vaikka sisimmässäni antaisinkin anteeksi. Tässäkin on siis jälleen osa-alue, jonka kanssa ei auta kuin työstää omaa ajatusmaailmaa.
Kuvat: Emilia/Edit:minä
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